Just My Imagination
by Bowman0306
Summary: Someone special from Logan's past returns...
1. Chapter 1

******Disclaimer:**You all know the drill people…I don't own Big Time Rush, but if I did, I would make Logan my love slave…forever (I hope that **AllForLoganBTR** is willing to share...). Those damn dimples and that smile are going to be the death of me one day, and I can't think of a better way to leave this world than having that gorgeous smile be the last thing I see!

_******Author's Note:**_ _My passion for this story suddenly came back, so I have decided to repost the first four chapters and finish it. I guess that James and Logan just need for me to tell this story. Go figure!_

_******Shout-outs:**____I must thank______****__**Clarry**____ for inspiring me to have to guts to write my first Jagan fic…I'm glad that we're so like-minded! ;-) And I have to thank __****__**nic98ole**________for just inspiring me to let my imagination run wild, even though I'm not anywhere close to being in the vicinity of nic98ole in the imagination department. Thanks for being a great friend! LOL! And last, but definitely not least, I would like to thank____****__**AllForLoganBTR**____ for helping me edit this monster. Your help is greatly appreciated, and I thank you for helping me make my vision come to life through the written word._

******Chapter 1**

___{November 23, 1991}_

It was a cold, blustery November day, but that didn't matter to Logan. In fact, he was actually very excited because today was a special day—not just because it was Saturday, but because it was his birthday today. Now he was ten years old, and Logan just knew that this was going to be the best year ___ever__._ How could it not be, especially with his best friend, James, by his side?

Oh, James…James was everything Logan could ever want or need in a best friend—he was loyal, caring, smart and just plain fun to be around. No one could ever ask for a better best friend than James. And Logan felt so lucky to have him because he didn't have to share him with anyone. But then again, not having to share James with anyone did bring about a major complication because people, including his father, his nanny, and the kids at school thought he was crazy whenever he talked about James. Really, they thought he was crazy because he talked ___to_James, and yet they never saw anyone for Logan to be talking to.

And they had good reason for thinking that Logan was a little off his rocker. There was a reason no one could see James—he was invisible because he was Logan's ___imaginary_friend.

Logan didn't mind all the strange looks he received from his dad and his soon-to-be stepmother—his mother died when he was three, so it was just him and his dad—when he fixed James a plate and talked to him at the table during dinner. He didn't even mind the fact that the kids at school all picked on him for having an imaginary friend at his age because James always managed to make all the hurtful things they said go away.

Yeah, James was great like that. He always told the funniest jokes, made up the best games, and gave the best hugs…_ever_. Logan wanted to be just like James when he grew up because who wouldn't want to be like James? He was just such a great person, even if he was imaginary, and he was handsome. Man, James was even more handsome than Logan's dad, who was tall and had dark brown wavy hair and dark brown eyes, and Logan's dad was a 'ladykiller' and 'a hunk' according to the ladies he'd heard talk about his dad at his office. But for some reason, Logan thought that James' kind, hazel eyes and warm smile were amazing. Logan wanted to have eyes and a smile like James.

God, however, seemed to have a sick sense of humor when it came to Logan, or so he thought, and Logan wasn't happy being the butt of the joke. Instead of being tall with broad shoulders like his dad, Logan was short with a small build, which often led him to be bullied because, really, was he going to actually beat anyone in a fight with those skinny arms? And if that weren't enough, he wore glasses because he had such bad eyesight. And boy, did he hate his glasses. Logan was sure that he had heard enough 'four-eyes' jokes to last him a lifetime. And for the final blow, Logan wore braces…with the headgear. So, needless to say, Logan felt like an ugly duckling. He'd give anything to look like James because maybe his life would be perfect and his dad would want to spend more time with him. His dad was handsome, and he always seemed like he was having the time of his life.

Only he was never having it with Logan. He sometimes felt like his dad didn't love him enough to spend any time with him. Why else would his dad have to hire a nanny to take care of him while he was performing surgery or out on a date or wherever he went? Oh, he liked Camille, his nanny, but she was really weird, and she spent most of her time talking on the phone to her boyfriend or doing homework. She never wanted to play with Logan, which made the fact that James was around even better.

Today, Logan and James were in his room playing one of their favorite games—the 'let's put the television on mute and guess what the people on the screen are saying' game. The show they picked today—Star Trek: The Next Generation. Logan was Captain Picard and James was Commander Stryker.

"Well, Cmdr. Stryker? What do you think we should do about the Klingons this time?" Logan said in his best Capt. Picard voice, which always made James laugh.

"I think that we should try to make peace with the Klingons, Captain," James said, smiling at Logan, who rolled his eyes.

"Make peace with them? Are you serious?" Logan asked incredulously, pushing his glasses up on his nose, which were always sliding down. "They're a menace! I say that we blow 'em up!"

James chuckled, trying to stay in character, but Logan was making it hard for him to do it. "But Captain! Don't you think that it would be better to become friends with them? They might make a great ally."

"Who needs them as an ally? They can't be trusted! Unless…" Logan got up slowly from his bean bag chair, reached into his back pocket and pulled out a toy laser gun, pointing it at James. "Unless you're working with the Klingons!"

James quickly got up and pointed his gun at Logan. "Me? What about you? Maybe some alien being has taken over your body and you're an imposter! Where's Captain Picard, you fiend?"

"I'm not an imposter! You're just a traitor, Commander." Logan stepped closer to James. "Any last words?"

James slowly crouched down to meet Logan at eye level. "What can I say, Capt. Picard except…FREEZE!" James pulled the trigger, and Logan fell backwards onto his bed, gun still in his hand, crying out from the 'wound' that James inflicted.

"Cmdr. Stryker, you were supposed to be my friend. How could you?" Logan asked weakly, looking at James with mock sad eyes. "I guess that this is…the end. Goodbye, Commander." He closed his eyes, sighing heavily as he clasped his hand over his heart. James lowered his gun and slowly walked over to where Logan lay on the bed.

"Captain?" James asked, leaning over Logan's still body. He reached down to touch Logan, putting his hand on Logan's chest. Just then, Logan opened his eyes, raised his gun and shot James. "Picard!" James exclaimed with a pained voice. "You…you…got me." James dropped his gun as he plopped face-down onto the bed, pretending to be dead.

They remained on the bed for a moment, still playing dead. Logan then sat up and shook James, signaling that the game was over. James, however, didn't move. "James? You can get up now. The game's over." He shook James again, but James didn't budge. Logan started to get scared. He knew that a toy gun couldn't hurt James, but why wasn't he moving? "James? Come on, James! This isn't funny! Please get up!" Logan could feel tears start to well up in his eyes. He was about to shake James again when suddenly, James roared and started tickling him, and the tears of sadness quickly turned to tears of joy as Logan laughed so hard that it hurt.

"Stop it, James!" he managed to say, even though he could barely breathe.

"No way, kiddo!" James continued his relentless tickling assault on Logan. "Not until you say that I'm the best tickler in the whole wide world."

"Never!"

"You sure about that, Logie? I can keep this up all day, you know."

"Okay, okay! I'm the best tickler in the whole wide world!

"Okay, smart alek! For that, I'm gonna tickle you until you can't breathe anymore!"

"All right! I'm sorry!" Logan screamed, still trying to breathe. "You're the best tickler in the whole wide world, James!"

With that, the tickling stopped, and Logan tried to catch his breath. "That's better," James said, sitting Logan back down on the bed. He inhaled deeply, seemingly out of breath himself. "You know I had to tickle the birthday boy!" James put his arm around Logan's shoulder, pulling him to him. "Are you having an awesome birthday so far?"

"The best!" Logan pulled away from James a little and looked up at him. "Do you think that Daddy's going to really come home in time to have birthday cake and open my presents?"

"Yes, Logie. I know you're worried, but your dad loves you very much, and I know that he wouldn't miss your birthday."

"I guess," Logan said doubtfully, getting off the bed and walking over to his Erector set, fidgeting with it.

"You guess?" James asked. "What makes you think he won't be here?"

"Well, it's not so much that he won't be here as it is that he won't _stay_." Logan was used to his dad not being around for most of the important stuff in his life. His dad had missed almost every academic competition Logan competed in—he'd even missed him win that state science fair, and that was a really big deal to Logan. If his dad had missed that, then why wouldn't it be possible for him to miss his birthday?

James walked over to Logan. "Look at me, Logan." He turned him around to face him. "Your dad will be here today. Your dad has a very big job that keeps him very busy, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you just because he can't be with you all the time."

"All the time? How about none of the time? I mean, daddy didn't even come see me win the science fair! I worked so hard, and I thought that if he knew that it was so important to me that he would come and then he would be proud of me!" Logan started to cry. James sighed and pulled Logan into one of those great hugs that he would never get tired of. Logan held on tight as he soaked the shoulder of James' t-shirt.

"Please don't cry anymore, Logie. Everything is going to turn out fine! I promise, okay?"

Logan nodded into James' shoulder and pulled back as he took off his glasses and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "You're right, James. No more crying on my birthday."

"That's the spirit!" He stood up and held out his hand to Logan, which he took. "Come on, kiddo! Let's go play some Sega downstairs!"

"Cool!" Logan smiled a big, happy smile as he opened his bedroom door and led James downstairs. Maybe today would work out after all.

* * *

James looked over at the little boy sitting beside him on the couch and smiled. James had helped many children as an imaginary friend, and he loved each and every one of them. But there was something different about Logan, but James couldn't say what it was if he tried. Maybe it was the gleam that Logan would get in his eyes whenever he got really excited over the smallest things, or it could have been Logan's capacity to love and forgive others, no matter how many times they hurt him. There was such an innocence, a purity about Logan that captivated James, and he couldn't deny it—Logan was special. James had worked with a lot of kids and the memories of them had faded somewhat over the years, but he knew that he would never be able to forget Logan. He couldn't forget him. Somehow, this amazing little boy with the big dark brown eyes had stolen his heart.

This made what he had to do that much harder. Just like with any other job, being an imaginary friend came with rules, and the most important rule of all was this: you had to leave your child when they officially turned ten years old. James looked up at the clock above the television—___5:24 pm_. At 6:51 pm, James' time as Logan's imaginary friend would end. This knowledge left James with an impending sense of dread creeping up inside him. How was he supposed to tell Logan that he was leaving him forever? James didn't want to leave Logan, but he didn't have a choice. He was at the mercy of the Powers That Be, and they made the rules. James' job description was very simple—make your child happy and leave when the time comes. Usually, James was okay with leaving his children because he knew that they would be fine, but again, Logan was different. James knew that Logan would be alone again once he left and James didn't know if he could live with that.

James had never felt so powerless in his entire life. Poor Logan. He had no idea what was about to happen. James didn't want Logan to be mad at him, but he was pretty sure he would be. James could just picture the look of disappointment Logan would have on his face. It was a face James had seen many times. That face would usually show up whenever Logan's dad didn't show up to one of his school events or broke yet another promise to him. James hated seeing that face, only this time he knew that he would be the one causing it.

James shook his head, trying to get the vision of that face out of his head. Right now, James just wanted to cherish the time he had with Logan, knowing that this would be the last time that he would get to play with him. He wanted to remember Logan the way he was right now—playing Sega and shouting excitedly with a huge dimpled grin on his face every time he beat a level on the game.

"James!" He looked up, focusing on the little boy. "Why aren't you playing?" Logan asked with a confused look on his face. "You just got killed. Don't you want to play anymore?"

James looked up at the clock again and sighed deeply. "Of course I want to play, Logie! I just got distracted, that's all." He smiled brightly at Logan, hoping it would convince him that everything was fine.

"Okay. Do you want to play another game?"

"This game is fine. I promise that I'll pay more attention, okay kiddo?"

"Okay, James." Logan and James turned their attention back to playing Sonic the Hedgehog, competing to see who would get the highest score, when Camille stepped into the room.

"Hey there, birthday boy!" She walked over to Logan and sat on the arm of the couch. "Are you having a good time today?"

"Yeah," Logan answered, his eyes never leaving the game. "James and I are just playing Sonic the Hedgehog. We're trying to see who can get the highest score. I'm winning!"

"Oh, really?" Camille smiled, shaking her head. "And how is James today?"

"Fine, I guess. Why don't you ask him yourself?" Logan jerked his head over to his left, which was where James was sitting.

"Okay..." Camille looked over at the empty place on the couch beside Logan. "How are you doing today, James?"

James laughed to himself. Camille was always a great sport when it came to playing along with Logan and the whole 'imaginary friend' thing. "I'm great! How are you, Camille?"

There was a moment of silence as James waited for a response, even though he knew Camille couldn't hear him. "Well?" Logan asked Camille.

"Well, what?" Camille replied.

"Aren't you going to answer James? He just asked you how you were doing."

"Oh...I'm sorry, James." Camille rolled her eyes as she tried to suppress a giggle. "I'm doing very well today, James!" She stood up from the couch and stepped in front of Logan. "Hey buddy! How would you like to come to dinner? We're having your favorite."

This was enough to get Logan's attention. "Do you mean...?"

"That's right," Camille said in a sing-song voice. "We're having Punch Neapolitan Pizza!"

"All right!" Logan exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and turning off the television. Punch Neapolitan Pizza had the best pizza in all of Minneapolis and it was Logan's favorite. James knew how much Logan loved it when he and his dad—with James along for the ride, of course—went there to eat. It was one of the few things Logan actually got to do with his dad where he felt that he got to have him all to himself. So, getting to have Punch Neapolitan Pizza on his birthday was a real treat. James also knew that Logan figured that it must have meant something else. "Hey, Camille! Is my dad here yet? He has to eat pizza with us. It's our favorite!"

James saw Camille's face fall slightly, then she recovered and pasted on a small smile for Logan. "I'm sorry, Logan, but your dad called and said that he was going to be a little late. He wants us to start dinner without him. Is that okay, hon?" Camille put her hand on Logan's shoulder and gave him a warm smile, as if she was trying to take the sting out of the fact that Logan's father was, once again, missing in action.

Logan looked up at her through his thick glasses and smiled, though it couldn't hide his sad eyes. "Okay, Camille." He looked over at James, who was, as always, giving him a look of encouragement. "Are you ready to eat dinner, James?"

"Are you kidding? I can never pass up Punch's Pizza!" James got up off the couch and gave Logan a challenging stare. He knew that Logan loved to turn everything into a contest. "Race you to the kitchen!" James took off running.

"Hey! I'm gonna get there first!" Logan ran after him with Camille not far behind him.

They ran through the big house until they made it to the kitchen, and, of course, Logan won the race. James always made sure that Logan won every race they had. And why not? He knew how much winning a simple little race boosted Logan's self-esteem, and James always loved to see Logan happy.

"Yeah! Take that, James! I beat you!" Logan hoisted himself onto a bar stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen, still breathing heavily from all the running.

"Yeah yeah." James stuck his tongue out at Logan as he sat down in the seat beside him. "You know, kiddo, you won't be always be able to beat me."

"Yes I will, James, because I'm never going to let you win." Logan took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. He looked over at James and gave him one of those smiles that made James' heart melt. James loved the way his smile seemed to reach his beautiful brown eyes. The smile was contagious, and James found himself smiling back. James began to feel that ache in his heart return, knowing that that smile was going to be what he missed the most about Logan. He glanced over at the clock on the wall—___5:54 pm__. _James felt a sense of panic, realizing that he had less than an hour left to spend with Logan before he had to leave.

"James! Are you all right?" Logan asked, seeming to know that something was amiss. "You keep looking to see what time it is. First you did it while we were playing Sega, and you just did it again a second ago. Are you going somewhere or or waiting on someone?"

Man, the kid was smart...too smart sometimes. "Don't worry about it, Logie." James flashed him a reassuring smile. "Everything's fine. Let's just enjoy your birthday."

"Okay." Logan didn't look like he was convinced, but he decided to drop it for the time being. "Camille! Where are you? James and I are ready to eat now!"

Camille strolled into the kitchen, having given up chasing Logan a few rooms back. "Hold your horses, mister!" Camille took the pizza off the counter, brought it over to island and opened the box. "Hey guess what, Logan?" Logan looked over at her inquisitively as he put his glasses back on. "The birthday boy gets the first slice."

"Really?" Logan started to bounce in his seat. "Can I get the biggest piece?"

"Of course, birthday boy!" Camille set out two plates—one for her and one for Logan.

"Hey!" Camille gave Logan a confused look. "You forgot to set a plate for James. It hurts his feelings when you forget to set a plate for him, you know."

James shook his head, chuckling lightly. That was yet another thing he loved about Logan—he was always looking out for others and never wanted anyone to feel left out. Maybe it was because he knew what it was like to be left out. ___If only I could stay a little longer,_ he thought. But he shook that thought from his mind. There was nothing he could do.

Camille sighed as she took out another plate. "Of course! How could I have forgotten about James? Where is he, Logan?" Logan pointed to the empty seat to his left. "I'm so sorry, James. Would you like some pizza?"

"Absolutely," James replied, smiling over at her.

"He said 'absolutely', Camille." Camille started to put a slice of pizza on James plate. "Hey! I thought you said that I got to choose the piece because it's my birthday!"

"Oops! I did, didn't I?" She put the slice back into the box. "What are you waiting for, buddy? Choose!" Logan looked over the pizza carefully before picking up the biggest slice with the most pepperoni on it.

"Good choice, Logan! Is it okay for me to get a slice for James now?"

"Sure!" James watched as Logan took a huge bite out of his slice and laughed when he saw all the sauce all over his mouth. Logan looked to see what he was laughing at. "What?"

That made James laugh harder. "Your face, man! It's covered in sauce!"

"Shut up, James!" An embarrassed Logan wiped his face with a napkin as Camille set down a glass of milk of him. "Don't forget about James!" Camille just smiled and poured a glass of milk for James, setting the milk and plate in front of him, or what appeared to her to be an empty seat.

"There!" She grabbed herself a slice and sat down. "Is everybody happy now?

"Mmhmm!" Logan answered, his mouth full.

They all were enjoying their pizza with some light conversation in between bites—well, Logan and Camille did (James just watched)-when the phone rang. Camille stood up and walked over to the phone, taking it off the receiver. "Mitchell residence. This is Camille speaking." She paused slightly. "Oh, hello, Dr. Mitchell...yes sir...I understand...sure, I can stay later...you want to talk to Logan? Hold on just a moment, Dr. Mitchell." Camille looked over at Logan, who looked like he was about to cry. "Logan, hon, your dad wants to speak to you." She handed the phone to Logan, who pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hi, Dad," Logan said. James could hear the sadness in Logan's voice. He grabbed Logan's hand, both of them knowing what was coming. After listening for a few moments, Logan finally spoke. "But Dad, it's my birthday! Can't someone else do the surgery? You never spend any time with me. Why can't you find someone else, Dad? Don't you want to celebrate my birthday?" More moments of silence followed as Logan's father tried to explain why couldn't come home. "Fine, Dad. Yes...that's fine. We can open presents tomorrow...it's fine, really. I'm used to it. 'Bye, Dad." Logan pushed the 'end' button on the phone and set it down. He looked over at James, tears welling up in his eyes.

There it was...the face James hated more than anything in the world—the disappointed face. James could feel the anger growing inside him. Sure, Logan's dad was one of the best cardiologists in all of Minneapolis, but he was certain that he could have found someone else to do the surgery. It was his only child's birthday, after all. He squeezed Logan's hand tightly, trying to offer some comfort to him, but Logan just turned away and stared at the phone.

"May I please be excused?" Logan started climbing out of his chair.

"Wait, Logan," Camille begged. "Don't you want to have some birthday cake at least? Your dad feels really bad about not being here, and he wants you to at least have your birthday cake today. It's a Star Trek cake, you know."

Logan pulled his hand out of James'. "I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore, Camille. I just want to go to my room now." Logan turned and ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs. James knew he'd made it to his bedroom when he heard his door slam shut. James walked out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs. He looked down at his watch—_6:45 pm._ There was never enough time when it came to Logan. He needed him now more than ever, and not only was he not going to be able to make him happy, but he was about to add to the heartbreak that the boy was going through.

He reached Logan's room and took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. "Logan, can I come in? I need to talk to you." After a few moments, he finally saw the doorknob turn as Logan opened the door. "Thanks, Logie." He walked into the room and sat on the bed, motioning for Logan to sit down beside him, which he did. James put his arm around Logan and pulled him close. "I know you're mad at your dad, but you know that he loves you, right?"

Logan let out a shaky sigh as he tried to fight back tears. "Maybe. But it doesn't matter because _I hate him! _I hate him, James!" He crawled into James' lap and sobbed. "He always puts other people before me, and I hate him for it! So I don't care if he loves me because I don't love him!"

James wrapped his arms around him tightly, knowing that this would be the last time he would get to do this. "You don't mean that, Logan. You're just angry and upset."

"Yes I do mean it, James. I hate him. Everyone else is more important to him that I am, and I'm sick of it! He has all these people around him and I only have you. He doesn't care if I'm alone or not."

James pulled Logan away from him a little so that he could look into his eyes. "Look at me, Logan. I need you to listen. You don't hate your father, and he does love you. You won't be alone forever and you and your father will get to spend time together, even if I won't be around to see it."

Logan sniffled, looking puzzled. "What do you mean by that? You'll always be with me, won't you?"

James looked down at the friendship bracelet Logan was wearing and tugged at it. "Do you remember when I made this bracelet for you and I told you to that I wanted you to be reminded of me whenever you looked at it?" Logan nodded slowly, trying to figure out what James was talking about. "Well, there comes a time in every child's life when their imaginary friend has to move on and, unfortunately, that time has come for us."

Logan looked at him, confused. "I don't understand. Is this a joke, because if it is, it's not funny, James."

James got up from the bed and stood Logan up on the floor in front of him. "I wish it was a joke, Logan, but it's not. The imaginary friends' rules say that every imaginary friend has to leave their child when they officially turn ten years old." James looked down at his watch—___6:49 pm_. "And on November 23, 1981 at 6:51 pm, you were born, which means at 6:51, I'll disappear, and you'll never see me again."

Logan stepped back in disbelief. "This isn't funny, James! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you love me?"

James could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces. He'd never hated being an imaginary friend until this moment. "Of course I love you, Logan! I just can't stay with you anymore."

"Why not?" Logan started to cry again. "Why can't anyone ever stay with me?"

"Oh Logan...I wish I could stay, but I don't get to make that decision. Just promise me you won't forget me because I will never forget you. Please promise me, Logan!"

Logan wrapped his arms tightly around James' waist. "Please don't leave me, James! ___Please!_I'll be all alone if you leave." The words stung, mostly because James knew that they were true.

James reluctantly pried Logan's arms from around him and took both of Logan's small hands in his. "I'm so sorry, Logan. Just promise me that you won't forget me. Promise me!"

"I won't ever forget you, James." Logan's face was streaked with tears. "Don't go!"

James let go of Logan's hands and stepped away from him. He knew it was time. He could feel the tingling sensation course through his body that happened every time he disappeared. "I love you, Logan," his voice starting to fade. "Please don't forget that. Goodbye." The last thing he saw was the thing he hated the most—Logan's disappointed face.

******All right, everyone...I've officially lost my mind with this one, huh? Well, I hope that you enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it! And please don't forget to review it. I'd love to know what you think! See you next chapter! Oh yeah...don't hesitate to PM me if you have any questions or suggestions.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Again, I, unfortunately, **DON'T **own Big Time Rush, and trust me, I would LOVE to own them, especially Logan (sorry Clarry).

_**FYI: For all of you who are wondering, James doesn't really have an age because he's an imaginary friend. However, he looks like he's in his mid-to-late twenties. Sorry that I didn't make that clear in the first chapter...**_

**Chapter 2**

_{October 24, 2011—Almost Twenty Years Later}_

"Okay, everyone. Let's close him up and get him to recovery." Logan sighed heavily as he took off his gloves and looked up at the clock—_5:07 pm._ It had been more than the typical Monday for him, especially considering the fact that this was the fourth surgery he had performed today. Logan wanted to be a cardiac surgeon just like father, but he had to finish his general surgeon residency first. As a result, he was doing surgeries like he had done today—two hernia operations, one esophagus operation (on a two-year old who swallowed a quarter), and one emergency colorectal surgery. Not exactly the way Logan wanted to start his week, but obviously God had other plans.

Logan walked out of the operating room and into the scrubbing area. He threw his surgical cap into the garbage and took off his operating gown, breathing out a heavy sigh of frustration. He was so tired that he could hardly keep his eyes open. _Why did decide to become a doctor,_ he whined to himself. _Oh yeah...to please Dad._ He rolled his eyes as he walked over to the sink and started washing his hands when he heard the door swing open behind him, startling him slightly.

"How's it going, Logan?" Logan looked over his shoulder to see his friend and colleague Carlos Garcia. Both he and Carlos had started their general surgery residencies at the same time, and much to Logan's surprise, had become fast friends. Carlos was hyperactive and full of life, whereas Logan tended to be more reserved. But, somehow, the differences in their personalities are what made their friendship work—Carlos brought Logan out of his shell while Logan managed to help Carlos keep his feet on the ground.

"I'm tired, man, but other than that, I'm fine." He smiled as he watched Carlos go over to his locker and unlock it. "How about you, Carlos? Are you having any pre-baby jitters? How many more weeks does Kelly have until she's due?" Logan dried off his hands, walked over to his own locker and started to undress.

"Three weeks, man! And no, I'm not feeling any jitters yet." Carlos looked over at Logan with a huge grin spreading on his face. "In fact, I'm really excited! The only thing I'm having jitters about is how I'm going to pay for the baby once it gets here."

Logan chuckled as he pulled his shirt on over his head. "Well, at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about at this point."

"This is true," Carlos replied, laughing a little. "So...how's the wedding planning going? I mean, you only have, like, one month until the wedding, and you haven't said much about it."

Logan groaned. "That's because Mercedes is doing all of the planning." Logan had been engaged to Mercedes Griffin, the daughter of his father's best friend, for about a year, and to say that he was less than enthusiastic about marrying her was an understatement. She was very attractive physically, but her abrasive, overbearing personality made all of that beauty dissipate. Mercedes was literally the bane of Logan's existence. "She literally told me just to show up on the day of the wedding because all I was doing was getting in the way. Besides, I don't really care about seating arrangements and color schemes and all that crap. Hell, I'm only marrying her because this whole 'relationship' with Mercedes was set up by our dads."

Carlos shook his head and sighed. "I can't believe that you're actually going to marry someone you can't stand just to make your father happy." He finished putting on his surgical scrubs and looked over

at Logan. "Why do you insist on being a doormat when it comes to your dad?"

Logan rolled his eyes, knowing that Carlos was right about him not being able to stand up to his dad, but he was too tired to get into that conversation with him. "I don't want to talk about that right now, Carlos," he said dismissively. "It's been a long day and I don't have the time to open that can of worms right now. I have to get home so that I can get ready to go out to dinner with Mercedes."

Carlos scoffed, shaking his head again. "What exactly are you and Mercedes going to do at dinner? You have absolutely nothing in common, and you said that she doesn't want you involved in any of the wedding planning, so what in the world do you plan to talk about? You don't even like her, Logan!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Carlos," Logan said defensively. "Not all of us have the privilege of actually being married to the person we _wanted_ to marry. What you and Kelly have is rare—you're actually in love with each other! Not everyone is as lucky as you are."

Carlos sighed deeply, placing a hand on Logan's shoulder. "So you're just going to give up on finding that one person that will make you happy?" Logan looked down at the floor so that he wouldn't have to look Carlos in the eye. "You haven't even tried to date anyone else, and I don't just mean other women. You are bisexual, right? I mean, have you even tried dating a guy?"

Logan's head jerked up in shock as he put his hand over Carlos' mouth. "Will you shut up?" he whispered angrily. "I don't want the entire hospital to know about my sex life!" _Or lack of it, thereof, _Logan thought to himself. He and Mercedes hadn't had sex in almost a month, and Logan was somehow amazed that it didn't bother him. He liked sex as much as the next person, but he despised Mercedes so much that he felt no sexual desire for her whatsoever.

Carlos nodded slowly, letting Logan know that he understood. Logan removed his hand from Carlos' mouth. "It doesn't matter anyway," he said, his voice returning to its normal tone. "I'm not marrying Mercedes, or anyone, for that matter, for love. I don't believe in love when it comes to me. You should know that about me by now. We've been friends for three years."

"I'm just looking out for you, Logan. You're a great guy and you deserve to be happy. That's all I want for you. I just don't want you to settle. You shouldn't have to." Carlos looked down at his watch, his eyes widening in surprise. "Dammit! I have to get into the operating room ASAP. I have to remove a light bulb from some guy's ass!"

Logan smirked, trying not to chuckle. "I haven't had to do one of those in a while, Carlitos. Have fun, Dr. Garcia!"

"Up yours, Dr. Mitchell," Carlos replied wryly as he flipped Logan off. "I'd rather be doing this surgery than having dinner with Satan's daughter."

"Oh! That was below the belt, Carlos, even for you." Logan snickered as he starting walking out of locker room. "See you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, yeah," Carlos answered.

Logan strolled through the hall, making his way to the elevator. This day already sucked, and it was about to get a lot worse. The elevator door opened and he stepped inside, shuddering at the thought of having to have dinner with Mercedes. It was his weekly obligation, for appearance's sake. After all, Logan had to make his father believe that he was actually excited to be marrying the Wicked Witch of the West. He stepped out of the elevator when it reached the ground floor and walked out the hospital, taking in a huge breath of fresh air. _Thank God that's over,_ Logan thought, sighing with relief as he walked to his car. _Now on to my other job—putting up with Mercedes for the next few hours_.

[Page Break]

Logan stepped out of the shower and began drying himself off. He had made sure that the water was hot—he felt tense and needed to relax. He walked over to the fogged-over mirror and wiped the condensation off of it, seeing a clearer image of the twenty-nine going on thirty-year-old staring back at him. Sometimes it still amazed him—his thick wire-rimmed glasses had been replaced with contacts, and after five years of braces, he had perfectly straight teeth. He actually thought that he was pretty attractive on the surface, but he still felt like that nerdy, lonely little boy that got bullied and teased all the time inside. Hell...the only time he'd felt alive and happy was when he had been with Ja—Logan shook his head, trying to quickly dismiss that thought from his head. He promised himself that after "_He Who Shall Remain Nameless"_ left that he would never think about him, speak about him, or even say his name out loud. The simple thought of _him_ reminded Logan of how abruptly _he_ left his life, leaving him all alone to deal with his ever-missing father and a nameless list of nannies.

He walked out of the bathroom and into his adjoining bedroom, picking up the shirt that he had chosen to wear to dinner that evening. He was meeting Mercedes at D'Amico Cucina, a five-star Italian restaurant. Only the best for Mercedes—anything else was simply unacceptable. He thought about how much money he, or rather his dad, was about to throw away just to have Mercedes send everything back and bitch the entire time about the terrible service they were getting. It didn't matter where they went to eat because Mercedes acted like that _everywhere_ they went. Logan let out a frustrated sigh as he finished getting dressed. He was so not in the mood for Mercedes' antics tonight, but he figured that he might as well get used to it because he was going to married to her for the rest of his life, at least, if their fathers had anything to do with it. Not only was Mercedes the daughter of his father's best friend, Arthur Griffin, but she also came with a _huge_ dowry because Arthur Griffin was worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Old Dr. Hortense Logan Mitchell really thought that he had done well for his son. In fact, his dad was so thrilled about Mercedes' dowry that Logan didn't know why his father didn't marry Mercedes himself. However, that would mean that he would have to divorce his current wife—she was wife number four—and he didn't want to have to pay anymore alimony than he was already paying to wife number three.

After blow-drying his hair and adding on some finishing touches, Logan walked out of his posh downtown apartment (he could thank his dear old dad for that apartment) and went downstairs to the lobby. "Hello, Donald," Logan said politely to the doorman as he held the door open for him.

"Good evening, Dr. Mitchell. Are you going out for the evening?"

"Yes I am, Donald. I'm going to have dinner with Mercedes." Logan tried his best not to show his lack of enthusiasm for seeing Mercedes.

"Well, have a good evening, Dr. Mitchell," Donald said politely.

"Thank you, Donald," Logan answered, smiling at the doorman. "You do the same." Logan walked out of the building and to the parking lot where his car was waiting. Logan stepped into the car and revved up the engine. He willed himself to put the car in gear so that he could drive out of the parking lot, but instead, he just sat there. _What the hell am I doing this for? I can't stand Mercedes! Hell, I can't stand my father! So why am I doing this? Carlos is absolutely right...I am a doormat. _Resigning to the fact that his fate had been sealed by his father, Logan finally pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the restaurant.

Logan pulled up to the restaurant and gave his keys and a tip to the valet and walked inside. "Welcome to D'Amico Cucina! How can I help you?" the greeter asked him. "I have a reservation for Dr. Logan Mitchell." The greeter looked on the schedule and found his name. "Oh, there you are! The other half of your party is already here, sir."

Logan groaned inwardly. _Shit! Now she's going to bitch about how I wasn't here on time and how she hates waiting on me and blah blah blah. _"How long has she been here?" he asked.

"For about fifteen minutes, sir." _Great...that's just great!_ "Please follow me, Dr. Mitchell." The server led Logan to his table and sure enough, there sat Mercedes, chatting away on her cell phone. She gave him a death stare as he sat down.

"I have to go now, Janae," she said to one of her equally bratty friends. "Logan has finally decided to show up." Mercedes ended her call and set her phone down on the table. "So," she began, and Logan steadied himself, prepared for the verbal berating that he was about to receive. "You just think that you can show up to our dinner date whenever you feel like it? I've been sitting here for fifteen fucking minutes. You know that I can't stand waiting on you because I don't wait for anybody. They wait for me." People were starting to look over at their table, and Logan willed the floor to swallow him up. Hell, he wished that he could be hit by a bus. Anything to get away from Mercedes at this moment. "Do you know how many men would kill to be with me right now, Logan? I mean, _really_! I can't believe you sometimes, Logan."

"Well," Logan replied, sighing deeply as he steadied himself. "Hello to you, too, Mercedes. And if you could, just for tonight, try to act like you have some class, that would be great! People are staring, you know."

"Who gives a shit? I don't fucking care if people are looking at us. They need to mind their own damn business!" Mercedes stood up from her chair and turned around to address the rest of the patrons in the restaurant. "You hear that, people? Mind your own business!"

"Would you sit down, Mercedes?" Logan whispered loudly, his face red from embarrassment. "You are making a scene, and you're going to get us kicked out of here!"

"Like I care about getting kicked out of this fucking place," she said, sitting back down. "I'm doing this restaurant a favor by making an appearance here."

"Mercedes...please! Let's just order, okay?" Logan closed his eyes, trying to calm down. "Can we just get through this meal? Can we just try?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Fine! You don't know how lucky you are to have me as your fiancé. I honestly don't know anyone else that would put up with you and your complete lack of understanding of just how amazing I am!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Okay, Mercedes. I just don't want to fight tonight, all right? Let's just have a nice dinner for once. Maybe you can even tell me something about the wedding."

Mercedes opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted when a man that Logan assumed was their waiter came to the table. He had medium brown hair and brown eyes with a thin build that Logan would have normally found to be attractive, but for some reason, this guy didn't really do it for him. "Hello! My name is Jett, and I will be your server tonight." He smiled a confident, thousand watt smile at Mercedes and Logan. "Can I start you out with a bottle of wine?"

Logan picked up the wine list and started to look it over, but Mercedes snatched it out of his hand before he could even take a quick glance at it. Logan looked at her in shock, then the shock turned into anger. _God! She's such a bitch!_ Mercedes scanned the list quickly. "We'll have a bottle of Vino Nobile di Montepulciano, La Braccesca 2006, please." Mercedes handed the wine list to Jett, staring at him seductively. Logan started to feel rage build up inside him along with the humiliation of having his fiancé flirt with the waiter right in front of him. It's not that he even wanted Mercedes, but he did have _some_ pride, and having his fiancé flirt with another man while he just sat there made him feel like a total loser.

"Very good, choice, ma'am," Jett replied, returning Mercedes' stare. _Well, there goes your fucking tip, asshole!_ Logan just sat there, trying to keep his cool. "Can I start you all off with an appetizer?"

"Yes, you can," Logan said with mock fervor. "How about we start off with you not flirting with my fiancé right in front of me, huh?"

"O-oh, I'm so sorry, sir, if you got the wrong impression," Jett managed to stutter out. "I would never do something like that!"

"Oh really?" Logan asked sarcastically. "Because you just did it!"

"Logan!" Mercedes scolded. "Will you stop it? What's wrong with him liking what he sees? I mean, can you blame him? Look at me! I'm fucking gorgeous! At least he appreciates how beautiful I am."

Logan pushed his chair away from the table and stood up. "Well...since he seems to appreciate you so much, why don't I just leave the two of you alone to go at it?" He started walking away when he heard Mercedes call after him. "Logan, get back here!"

"Fuck off, Mercedes!" Logan yelled back as he walked out of the dining area. _Man, that felt so good!_ He went outside and waited for the valet to get his car. He knew that he and Mercedes would 'patch' things up later, but he didn't really care at the moment. The thought of being anywhere near that woman made him feel sick to his stomach.

The valet pulled up with his car and he got in, speeding off. Logan just drove with no particular destination in mind. He just needed to clear his head. His life was so fucked up. It had been that way ever since...no! Logan was not going to allow himself to think about "_He Who Shall Remain Nameless"_. Everyone that had ever meant anything to him either ignored him or left him, and he refused to let anyone back in his heart. It was one of the very few perks that came with marrying Mercedes. He had absolutely no feelings for her, other than disdain. So, when things eventually get really bad—as if they could worse than they already were, he could walk away with no strings attached. Logan never wanted to love anyone ever again, and so far, he had been successful at doing so. It was the thing that ended all of his relationships—he never let anybody in, and that was the way it was going to stay.

Logan pulled into a parking lot and parked his car, just wanting to rest for a minute. He looked to see where he was at, and much to his surprise, he ended up at a place he hadn't been to in years. He was in the parking lot of Punch Neopolitan Pizza, his favorite pizza place when he was a kid. Without thinking, Logan got out of his car and walked inside the restaurant. Suddenly the memories came flooding back. The place had been updated, but the booth that he used to sit in with his dad and _him_ was still there. He remembered how much fun he used to have there. It was the one place where he felt that he never had to share his dad with everyone—the one place where he felt like he and his father actually had a normal father-son relationship. And of course, there was _him_. _He _was always there with him and his dad, and Logan felt so loved and safe with the two of them around him. He remembered wishing that he would never have to leave Punch Neopolitan because then he would have to go back to not having his dad around, with only _him_ to keep him company. But, God, did he love those times when it was just the two of them against the world. Nothing could hurt him because _he_ would always make things better. Sometimes Logan wished that _he_ was still around. He could really use _him_ right now because he hadn't felt this alone in a long time.

Logan sat down in a booth and a waitress walked over to him. "Hi!" she said cheerfully. "My name is Brittany, and I will be your server tonight." She placed a menu down on the table for Logan to look over. "Would you like something to drink while you look over the menu?"

"No thanks," Logan replied politely. "I already know what I want. I would like a large Coke, a Punch Salad, and a medium Napoli Pepperoni Pizza with extra pepperoni and extra goat cheese." Logan handed the waitress his menu.

"You've got great taste, sir! I'll be right back with your Coke and Punch Salad."

"Thank you very much, Brittany." Logan couldn't help but smile to himself. His life hadn't always been so miserable. In fact, just being in the pizza place made him feel at ease somehow, which is something he hadn't felt in a very long time. Brittany came back with Logan's soda and salad. Logan took a bite of his salad, and it was so good! He didn't think that it was possible for a simple bite of food could make him feel so at peace. He finished off the salad just in time for Brittany to bring out his pizza. God, it looked so delectable! Logan put a piece on his plate and stared at it for a moment, wondering if it would have the same effect on him that the salad did. He picked it up and took a huge bite, and the taste of it was almost orgasmic. He felt elated as he devoured the first piece in two minutes flat. Before he knew it, he had finished three-fourths of the pizza. A little embarrassed that he had eaten so much, but satisfied that his stomach was filled with the delicious pizza and his mind filled with some great memories, Logan asked Brittany for a to-go box and left her a ten dollar tip. She didn't know it, but she had just made Logan happy by reminding him of a happier time in his life.

Logan paid for his pizza and walked out of the restaurant reluctantly. He didn't want to face the world that awaited him out there, but he knew that he had to. Besides, he had to be at the hospital at six o'clock the next morning and put in yet another twenty-four hour shift. Logan got into his car and drove back to his apartment, actually smiling the entire way. As he walked up to the building, he saw Donald standing outside with a puzzled look on his face.

"Hey, Donald," Logan said cautiously. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm not really sure, Dr. Mitchell," Donald replied. "There is someone here that says that they need to see you, and I told him that you weren't here and to come back at another time. But he said that he couldn't leave and that he didn't have time to waste. He refuses to leave and says that he has to see you."

Logan was puzzled and, although he wouldn't admit it to himself, a little freaked out. "Is it someone that I know?

"I've never seen him before, Dr. Mitchell. I was just waiting for you to get back so that we could get this figured out."

Donald opened the door and Logan cautiously walked through it. His eyes scanned the lobby, not seeing anyone there. "Donald, I thought you said that someone was..." Logan's voice trailed off. His eyes grew wide as he saw a very handsome, dare he say beautiful, twenty-something year-old man walking toward him. He was tall with a lean, but muscular build and had chestnut brown hair, and those eyes...Logan would know those hazel eyes from anywhere. But it was impossible. How could it be possible? He couldn't be...

"Hi, Logan. I can't believe how grown up you are! How have you been?" The man flashed him his famous smile, the smile that Logan had lived without for so long and never thought he would see again. It was _him._

"James?" Logan was dumbfounded, shocked. He had to be losing his mind. His James had returned.

_**Yep, James has returned! This chapter was difficult to write, but I hope that you all enjoyed it! Chapter 3 will be up soon! Until next time...Please review! I love it when you review! Your opinions and suggestions help me.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Again, I, unfortunately, **DON'T **own Big Time Rush. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3**

"James? Is that you?" Logan stood there, dumbfounded, as his Punch Neopolitan Pizza box fell from his hands and onto the floor. James just stood there, his eyes gleaming as he smiled down at Logan. Logan opened and shut his mouth repeatedly, but no sound came out. Logan looked over at Donald, confusion marking his features. "Donald...do you see what I see? Do you see that man right there?"

"Yes, Dr. Mitchell," Donald replied, watching Logan closely, who looked like he had just seen a ghost. "He told me that his name is James and that it was imperative that he see you immediately."

"Dr. Mitchell, huh?" James asked, smirking. "So you became a doctor just like your dad after all! Congratulations, Logie!"

Logan's mind was racing madly with questions as a million different feelings coursed through him—happiness, relief, sadness, anger, rejection, to name a few. How in the hell was it possible for James to be standing in front of him? Was he real, or was he a mirage? Was there something in his pizza that was making him hallucinate? Were all the crazy hours he was putting in at the hospital causing him to have waking dreams? Did the stress of having to marry Mercedes finally make him snap?

James' hazel eyes shone brightly as he smiled and held his arms out for Logan to hug him. "Well, kiddo...aren't you going to give me a hug? You always said that I gave the best hugs in the world."

Almost as if he was being propelled forward by some unknown force, Logan launched himself into James' outstretched arms, wrapping his arms around his neck tightly and burying his face into James' chest. He had dreamed about James hugging him so many times, and there he was, hugging his James, remembering how good it felt to have those loving, strong arms surround him, letting him know that everything was okay. Tears welled up in his eyes, the urge to cry taking hold of him.

James chuckled as he returned the hug, rubbing Logan's back comfortingly. "I missed you, too, kiddo! I was afraid that you had forgotten all about me."

Logan had tried to forget about James—he really did try for so long to forget him. James, his best friend and confidant. James, the one person that would always be there for him. James, the one who disappeared from his life almost twenty years ago. James, the one who abandoned him and left him to go it alone in the world. James, the last person he allowed himself to love. Logan pulled back from the hug and looked into James' face. That beautiful, loving face with the kind, hazel eyes. The face that Logan thought he would never see again. Suddenly, Logan felt a fury stronger than anything he had ever felt surge through him. It was so strong that Logan started shaking.

James looked down at Logan, puzzled by the enraged look on his face. "Logan? Are you o-" James' face was met with a hard blow to his nose, causing him to stumble backwards. "Ow!" James shouted as he held his nose. "What did you do that for, Logan?"

Logan looked at James in disbelief as he rubbed his sore hand, then he started laughing almost maniacally, knowing that he had finally lost what little bit was left of his mind. "What do you mean 'what did you do that for', James? You fucking left me when I needed you the most, and now you think that you can just walk back into my life and hug me like everything's okay? What the hell did you expect me to do, James? You abandoned me, you jerk!" He looked down at his sore hand, which was starting to swell and rolled his eyes. "This is just perfect! I just had to punch you with my operating hand! I'm so screwed! How am I supposed to do surgery?"

James carefully walked over to him and grabbed his hand and examined it. "You need to put some ice on it, Logan. Would you like me to help you?"

"Argh!" Logan yelled, his frustration getting the best of him. "Don't do it, James! Don't be nice to me! I just punched you, and now you want to help me. Just don't do it! Don't make me feel like a jerk when I want you to feel like the jerk, okay?"

James let go of Logan's hand and picked up his pizza box from of the floor. "You're not a jerk, Logan," he began as he stood back up and smiled sheepishly at him. "You are, however, obviously angry with me. Wanna talk about it, Logie?"

"See? That right there! That's what I don't want you to do! Don't be nice to me!" Logan seethed as he stamped his foot, feeling as if a tantrum was coming on. "You don't get to do that, James! You're the asshole here, not me! Don't you dare be all James-y with me! You understand?"

James' smile slowly faded and was replaced with a look of sheer confusion. "What do you mean 'James-y'?"

"You know damn well what I mean, James!" Logan shouted, waving his arms around like a madman. "Don't act like you!"

"Dr. Mitchell, would you like for me to ask him to leave?" Donald asked. "It's obvious that he's upsetting you-"

"I'm not supposed to leave you, Logan, but if you don't want my help, I will go," James replied softly.

"Oh no, you don't!" Logan grabbed James' wrist with his good hand and started dragging him toward the elevator. "You're not getting out of this that easily. You have a _whole _lot of explaining to do! I have questions, and, dammit, you're going to answer every one of them!" Logan hit the up button with his swollen hand and hissed at the pain that shot through his hand.

"We really need to get that looked at, Logie," James said, carefully taking hold of his wrist and examining it. "It's really starting to swell."

"It's all your fault, too! And don't call me 'Logie'!" The elevator door finally opened, and Logan pulled James into it.

"My fault? How is it my fault?" James asked innocently, his hazel eyes searching Logan's face for some kind of explanation.

"Because when I saw your face I couldn't help but punch you in it, that's why!" Even Logan knew that didn't make any sense, but he really wasn't interested in making sense at the moment. "Can you hit button '4' for me, please?"

James pressed the button and turned his attention back to Logan's injured hand. "Why don't you want me to call you 'Logie' anymore?"

Logan looked over at James incredulously. "Um...because I'm an adult now and you're the only one who ever called me 'Logie', and you left me. So, I think you've lost the privilege of calling me 'Logie', James." The elevator reached the fourth floor and Logan stepped out of it, with James in tow. They walked down the hallway until they reached apartment number 413. "You can let go of my hand now, James."

"But you're hurt, _Logan._ You shouldn't be using this hand." James gently stroked Logan's hand, who almost allowed himself to remember what it was like to have James take care of him when he was hurt as a child. But reality took hold of Logan's mind, and he yanked his hand out of James' grasp. James' face was a mixture of hurt and confusion, and Logan wanted to revel in it, but to his surprise, he got no pleasure out of hurting James. Instead, he felt like a total dick.

"I'm sorry, James," Logan heard himself say, wanting to slap himself for being such a soft touch. "But I need that hand so that I can get my keys out of my pocket, okay?" He looked into James' face and watched as some of the hurt and confusion melted away.

"Okay," James said, smiling softly at Logan.

Logan unlocked his door and ushered James into his apartment, closing the door behind him. He turned on a lamp and motioned for James to have a seat on the couch as he headed into the kitchen to get an ice pack for his hand. "Can I get you something to drink, James?" he asked, opening the refrigerator to grab himself a bottled water.

James shrugged as he played with the tassels on a throw pillow. "Water is fine."

Logan grabbed two bottles of water and placed him under his left arm and grabbed his ice pack. He sat down on the couch and handed James a bottled water. "Well...?"

"Well, what?" James asked, finally looking at Logan, his hazel eyes serious and sad.

Sighing deeply, Logan closed his eyes. "Well, I told you that I have a lot of questions for you, and I need to know that you're going to answer them honestly."

James chuckled bitterly, which shocked Logan. The James he knew would have never laughed like that. "Have I ever lied to you before, Logan?" he asked, the hurt in his tone obvious. "I mean, I understand that you're mad at me, but do you honestly believe that I would lie to you? The whole time I was with you, I never lied to you..._ever_!"

"Oh really?" Logan turned to face James. "You just conveniently didn't tell me that you had to leave me on my tenth birthday! You don't think that was a lie? At least a lie by omission?

"That wasn't my intention, Logan!" James got up from the couch and started pacing. "Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you? Do you think that I wanted to leave you? You're my Logie."

Logan felt his heart start to melt in spite of himself. Just hearing James call him 'his Logie' made him feel something that he couldn't describe even if he tried. He opened his mouth to reply when his phone rang. "Dammit!" He saw that it was the hospital calling him. "I have to take this. Excuse me." Logan answered the phone. "This is Dr. Mitchell...No, I'm not going to be able to cover for Dr. Masterson tonight. In fact, I hurt my operating hand, so I won't be able to come in tomorrow, either...No, I'm trying to get the swelling out of it now...My father is looking for me...Well, he knows how to find me...I'm sorry...See you all on Wednesday." Logan hung up and placed the phone in the coffee table. He took a deep breath and rubbed his neck warily.

"Is something wrong?" James asked as he sat back down on the couch, his voice full of concern.

"Wait for it..." Logan's phone rang again. He picked it up and answered it, putting it on speaker, not bothering to look at the caller id—he already knew who it was.

"Hi, Dad." He rolled his eyes as he adjusted his ice pack on his hand.

"Logan," Dr. Mitchell began. "what happened at dinner with Mercedes tonight?"

"Mercedes?" James mouthed. Logan just shook his head.

"She embarrassed me in front of the entire restaurant, Dad. What did you expect me to do? Or do you enjoy seeing your son get emasculated by his future wife all the time? Is that really what you want for me, or do are you that blinded by Arthur's millions?

"How dare you say that to me, Logan? Do you know what I've given up for you? What I've had to do to get you to this point?"

Logan groaned. "Oh please, Dad! Not that 'do you know what I've given up for you' speech, okay? We both know that you didn't do any of this for me."

"Logan," Dr. Mitchell said, his impatience with his son evident in his voice. "I'm not going to get into this with you right now. Do you know how lucky you are to get to marry a woman like Mercedes?"

"Ha!" Logan laughed sarcastically. "You do realize that money can't buy class, don't you, Dad? Mercedes is the most spoiled, uncouth, inconsiderate person I've ever met, and if she doesn't at least attempt to change her ways, I'm calling off this wedding." Logan looked over at James, who looked both shocked and amused at the same time. Logan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to his phone.

"I'm not about to let you call off this wedding with Mercedes, Logan," Dr. Mitchell insisted. "If you do, so help me, I will cut you off—forever! Do you understand?"

"Well, do what you've gotta do, Dad, because I'm really tired of all of this. I've gotta go. An old friend is here, and I don't want to be rude by staying on the phone any longer. Bye, Dad." Logan hung up, not bothering to wait for his father's response.

Suddenly, James grabbed his stomach as he started laughing really hard. "Oh my goodness, Logie!" James continued to laugh uncontrollably as Logan gave him a hard look.

"What are you laughing at?" Logan demanded, feeling as if he was about to reach his breaking point. "Are you laughing at me?"

"No! Of course not!" James answered through his laughter. "I'm laughing at good old Dr. Hortense! He hasn't change at all! In fact, I think that he's gotten worse since I left!"

"Now you see what you left me with, James," Logan spat. "And it's not funny!"

"Yes, it really is funny, Logan! I mean, he's still totally ridiculous and you know it!" James grabbed his side as he tried to stop laughing.

Logan chuckled a little. "You are right about Dad being ridiculous." Logan looked over at James' red, tear-streaked face and started to laugh himself.

"Are you laughing at me now?" James asked, a huge grin accentuating his red cheeks.

"Yes!" Logan managed to get out. "I haven't seen that face or heard that laugh in a really long time!" They watched each other for a moment, then burst out laughing at themselves. Logan had missed this. It amazed him that something as simple as a laugh and a smile could affect him.

Finally, their laughter died down as they tried to catch their breath. James reached over and carefully took the ice pack off of Logan's hand. "Well, the swelling is going down, but it looks like it's starting to bruise." James set the ice pack on the coffee table, walked into the kitchen and started raiding the drawers in search of a towel. He eventually found one and headed back into the living room. "Here you go," he said, handing the towel to Logan to warm his hand up. "So..."he said as he plopped down on the couch, "ask away."

Logan looked into James' handsome face, then looked down at his hand, noticing that something was off. "How come your nose isn't swelling or anything? I mean, I hit you in the face, yet I'm the only one who's hurt. Why?"

James gave a small smile. "First of all, it _did_ hurt when you punched me, but I didn't get an injury because I'm not human—I'm still an imaginary friend, just a visible one. So, I don't bleed, don't get broken bones, yada yada yada..."

"So, I guess that means that I should refrain from hitting you in the future." Logan smirked at James as he nodded in response. James opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he shut it just as quickly. "What is it?"

"Well..." James seemed to be at war with himself, but he continued. "When did you develop such a...'colorful' vocabulary? I've never heard you curse—ever, and now it's as if it second nature to you. What happened to you, Logan?"

Logan sighed, feeling as if the roles were somehow reversed. It was as if James were the child and he was the adult. "Life happened to me, James. Life happened. I didn't want to be like this. It's just...what I became, I guess. I've just been so mad, so hurt, so bitter for so long that I don't know how else to be. Do you understand what I mean?"

"And that's why I'm here, Logan. To help you be happy again." James carefully wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulder and pulled him close.

Logan looked into James' beautiful, kind eyes. "Have you ever known me to be truly happy, James? I mean, the only time I was truly happy was when I was..." Logan paused, not sure if you should say what he wanted—no, needed—to say.

"When you were what, Logan?" James asked, his eyes seeming to bore into Logan's soul.

Logan wanted to look away, but it was as if James had him in some gravitational pull that he couldn't get out of. "When I was with you, James," he answered softly. "Is that why you came back? You told me that I would never see you again, yet here you are. Am I crazy? I thought you could only work with children."

James smiled, chuckling a little. "No, you're not crazy! I'm very much here. And as for me being here, it seems that there's a loophole in the whole 'imaginary friend" thing. You see, we have the ability to help any child that we worked with as children if they are still unhappy as adults. I thought I had done my job with you, Logan, but I knew that when I left that I wasn't leaving you in an environment in which you could cope well. I didn't do my job well enough for you, Logan, so I've been given another chance to help you be happy, to make things right." James waited for a moment as Logan seemed to be absorbing what he'd just told him, then he continued. "Now, if you don't want my help, I'll leave, and you really never will see me ever again. However, if you choose to have me stay, I will stay, but I can only stay until 6:51 pm on November 23, 2011, which is your 30th birthday. I'm letting you know upfront this time so that there's no confusion about my coming or going. The choice is yours, Logan. Do you want me to stay or go?"

Logan looked down into his lap, contemplating the pros and cons of having James back in his life. Of course, a definite pro would be that he got to have James back in his life, and it could possibly be just like old times. But then there was the whole time table issue—James would only be with him for a little over a month, and he would have to say goodbye to him again. Logan was so lonely—yes, he had Carlos, Kelly, Dak, and Kendall—_Kendall._ That was it! Kendall was a psychiatrist! Maybe he could help him with his 'James' issues, and then he would be able to decide whether or not to keep James around. "Tell you what, James," Logan started, "I have a friend that I want us to talk with tomorrow. Maybe he can help us get past some of our..'issues', and then I think that I'll be able to make a good, well-thought out decision. Would that be okay?"

James shrugged. "I don't see why not. Are we seeing a psychiatrist?"

Logan looked up at him, shocked. "How did you know that?"

James laughed as he removed his arm from around Logan's shoulder. "I've been to more psychiatrists with my children than I can count! It's fine...really!"

Logan stood up from the couch, yawning and stretching. "Well, I'm exhausted, so let me set up a bed for you on the couch-"

"No, you won't! You hurt your hand. Just show me where the blankets are and I will fix up a bed for myself. You just go to bed, okay?" James gave Logan a determined look, and Logan felt his resolve fade.

"Fine. Come here." James followed Logan down the hallway to the linen closet. "Here are the blankets. Take your pick. I'm going to bed." Logan walked toward his bedroom and turned around to see James grabbing some blankets. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

James' eyes shined as he smiled. "I'll be fine, Logie! I'm glad to see that you still care about me."

Logan gave him a small smile and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. "Oh my God," he said as he collapsed face-first onto his bed. "I have officially lost my mind! I just hope that Kendall can help me." He climbed under the covers and started to drift off to sleep. _Maybe when I wake up, James will be gone and this whole thing will have been a really crazy, acid-trip dream. _He felt a sharp pain shoot down his right hand. _Okay...maybe not!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: ** I think that it's pretty obvious that I in no way, shape, or form own, or am affiliated with, Big Time Rush in any way. Don't sue...I have nothing of value to give you, except maybe my car. I don't even own my house!

**Chapter 4**

Logan sat up in his bed with a start at the sound of his alarm clock, which was beeping loudly. _5:00 am._ Dammit! He forgot to turn off the alarm on his alarm clock since he wouldn't be going into work that day because of his hand. He reached over to his nightstand and slammed his uninjured hand onto the clock, turning off the alarm. Logan laid back down and attempted to go back to sleep when he heard something rustling in what sounded like the living room. _What the hell? _Logan pulled back the covers, shivering at the frigid air touching his body, and slowly slipped out of bed, hissing when his feet touching the ice-cold floor. He looked around for his slippers and spotted them at the foot of the bed. Sliding his feet into the warm comfort of the slippers, he crept over to his door and cracked it open, venturing a peek into the hallway. _I know I just heard something. _He slipped through his door, careful not to make any noise, and tiptoed through the hallway. It was still dark outside, but the living room was illuminated with the light of the television. Still slightly confused, Logan stepped further into the living room, but didn't see anyone. _Oh well. It must have just been my imagination._

"Hey, Logie," James whispered loudly.

"Ah!" Logan jumped and put his hand over his heart as he tried to get his heart rate back to its normal rate. It hadn't been a crazy dream after all—James was there in his apartment, laying on his couch. "What the hell, James? You just scared me to death! Is that your idea of helping me, because if it is, I'm just going to decline your offer right now!"

"I'm sorry that I scared you, Logan," James said softly, sitting up on the couch and ripping the covers off himself. He walked over to Logan and pulled him into a hug. Against his will, Logan felt himself melt into the security of the hug and found himself wrapping his arms around James' strong, hard body. It was at that moment that Logan became very aware of James' physique—his very muscular arms that were encircling him in his warmth; his finely chiseled chest and abs that could be felt easily through his t-shirt. It was in that moment that he realized that he could totally get used to being held like this by James. It just felt so good to have James back. But then he remembered something very important—James wasn't really back and he left him when he needed him the most. _What the fuck am I thinking? Why am I hugging James when he abandoned me?_ As if he had been burned, Logan stepped out of the hug and moved a few feet away from James, putting a safe amount of distance between them.

"What's wrong, Logan? Did I do something wrong?" James' face was clouded with confusion. "Do you not want me to hug you?"

Logan sighed heavily, trying to get himself under control. "No! I mean, yes. I just—James...please don't worry about it. You're fine, okay?" James nodded, his eyes showing his uncertainty. "Just go back to sleep. We'll talk later, all right? I promise, James, okay?"

"Okay, Logie." James gave him a sleepy, but beautiful smile, and Logan found himself smiling back in spite of himself.

"We have a busy day today, so get some more rest." Logan turned and walked back to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He laid back down and pulled the covers back over himself, settling himself into his bed's warmth and trying to forget the warmth that radiated when James hugged him. Try as he might though, Logan tossed and turned, unable to forget about James. Every fiber of his being told him that he was headed down a road he had dared not travel—ever, and the thought of it scared the hell out of him. _Man, I need help, _Logan thought to himself. _I hope that Kendall can help me out with this mess._

Logan and James walked into Kendall's office that afternoon after a quick lunch filled with James asking Logan questions about his life since he had been away, to which Logan gave him short, elusive answers. There was no way that he was going to let James sneak his way back into his life. After all, Logan knew that James wasn't stupid—James knew that his life had gone to shit since he left or else he wouldn't have returned.

Logan walked up to the receptionist's desk as James sat down in one of the open chairs. "Hello!" said Logan. "I'm Dr. Mitchell. I believe that Dr. Knight is expecting me?" The receptionist looked down at a note on her desk.

"Oh yes, Dr. Mitchell. Please go right in." She gave Logan a bright smile, which he returned. He talked over to James and sat down.

"James," Logan began. "I'm going to speak to Kendall for a few minutes, and then he'll come out to ask you in."

"Okay!" James answered brightly, a big grin on his face. "A couple of my friends are here, so this will just give me time to catch up with them."

Logan looked around the near-empty office, confused. "What are you talking about, James? There's hardly anyone in here."

"Other imaginary friends, Logie, of course!" James replied as he chuckled.

"Sure. Of course. I should have known." Logan got up and walked over to Kendall's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in, Logan!" Kendall shouted from behind the door. Logan opened the door and carefully stepped in.

"Hi, Kendall," he said, his voice strained as he plastered a smile on his face.

When Logan called Kendall that morning begging to see him, he was reluctant to do it because it would be a conflict of interest, especially since they dated back in medical school. So to say that Kendall was a little worried and knew that he was treading on thin ice himself by agreeing to meet with Logan was an understatement. However, Kendall had always had a soft spot for Logan, so when he had called him saying that he needed his help, needed _him, _there was no way he could say no. Kendall stood up from his chair and walked around his desk, sitting on top of it. "It's good to see you, Logan. What can I help you with?"

"Wow! You just went straight into professional mode, didn't you?" Logan bristled at the thought, a little taken aback by Kendall's behavior.

"Well, Logan, this is my place of business, and I take what I do very seriously." He slid off his desk and settled down in his 'therapist chair', which was the chair he used when he talked to his patients. "What do you expect me to do, Logan?" He searched Logan's face for some clue as to why he was so desperate to see him, and he could see the brown eyes full of worry that he'd never seen in them. He sighed before he continued, knowing that this was not the time or place to rehash the past. "What's going on? You sounded really stressed on the phone. Is this about Mercedes or you father?"

"Neither." Logan looked around the room and his eyes came to rest on the couch against the opposite wall. "May I sit down?" he asked, biting his lip as he looked back at Kendall.

"Of course," Kendall nodded, gesturing for Logan to sit and rocking back in his chair.

Logan slowly lowered himself onto the plush couch and took a deep breath. _How the hell am I going to tell Kendall about James without him thinking that I've lost my fucking mind?_ "Okay," he began, "here's the thing." He took another deep breath as he tried to figure out how to say everything right. "You know that I have never been close to my father and that I had a ton of nannies, right?" Kendall nodded, so Logan continued. "Well, needless to say I was alone...a lot. But-" he hesitated for a moment, trying to convince himself that telling Kendall all of this was really for the best. "But I wasn't always lonely. You see, when I was a little boy, I had an imaginary friend named James." Logan looked up to see if he could read Kendall's expression, but Kendall was simply sitting in his chair with his hands in his lap, listening intently. Logan took that as a sign to continue. "James was my best friend—my only friend. Whenever I needed anything, he was there to make me feel better. He was the only person in the world who understood me and supported me...he was the only person that made me feel loved. When James was there, suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore."

"Well, it sounds like you had a really great friendship with James. Did something happen to make that change?" Kendall asked, leaning forward in his seat.

Logan shook his head and sighed. "Yes," he replied. "I grew up. Literally. On my tenth birthday, which was, like, the worst day of my life, James had to leave me because it was the stupid imaginary friend rule that he had to leave me on my tenth birthday. Can you believe it? What a stupid rule!"

Kendall paused for a moment, surprised that Logan was getting so worked up about his imaginary friend leaving him. Kendall had no idea where Logan was going with any of this. "It must have really hurt you to have the only friend you had in the world leave you like that."

"I know, right? How could he do that to me?" Logan asked incredulously. "He said that he loved me, but how could he leave me like that if he loved me? I was used to it from my father, but James? How could he? And now he's back and says that he wants to help me be happy again, but how the hell am I supposed to trust him? I mean, look what happened last time! He's crazy if-"

"Wait...what?" Kendall asked, unsure if he heard Logan right. "Did you just say that James is back? As in 'back in your life'?" He knew that Logan was under a lot of pressure with work and the wedding, but maybe it was all starting to become too much for him.

Logan huffed and rolled his eyes. "Yes! That's why I asked to see you today. I need someone to confirm to me that I'm not losing my mind. How can James be here? Why would he come back, especially when I have some much stuff going on in my life right now?"

"Well," Kendall started, "have you tried telling James that you're an adult that can take care of himself and make his own decisions?"

Logan opened his mouth to speak, then paused when he realized that he hadn't done that. "Well, no. I was too shocked when he showed up at my apartment building last night to ask him that."

"What?" Kendall asked, completely bewildered. "You mean he appeared to you?"

"No." Logan said indignantly. "He literally was in my lobby last night when I got home. I had to ask the doorman to make sure that he saw him, too."

"And did he?"

"Did he what?" Logan got up and started pacing, feeling a headache coming on.

"Did the doorman see him?" Kendall stood up and grabbed Logan in mid-pace, turning him to face him.

"Of course!" Logan pushed Kendall off of him and grabbed his hand. "And he's sitting out in the lounge right now. Let me show you." He dragged Kendall to the door and opened it slightly.

Kendall looked out into the lounge area and only saw a few clients. But then he saw a man he didn't recognize. He had brunette hair and was talking to an empty seat. The man must have sensed that he and Logan were looking at him because he looked up and smiled brightly at Logan.

"Hi, Logie!" He waved at Logan, who gave him a small wave before shutting the door.

Kendall was speechless, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly for a moment as he tried to get a handle on what seemed to be happening. Finally, he spoke. "That man?" He pointed to the lounge area where James was sitting. "That man...is James, your imaginary friend from when you were a kid?" Logan nodded and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Kendall plopped down in his chair, dumbfounded. "How can this be possible?"

"I know, right?" Logan said as he started to pace again. "How dare he just come back and think he can make things okay again?"

"I don't mean that," Kendall said, pointing out to the lobby again. "That—how do I put this—that...'Adonis'...is your imaginary friend?"

Logan stopped pacing to give Kendall a look of disbelief. "Yes, Kendall. He is. God, get your brain out of your dick, man!"

"What the fuck are you complaining about, Logan? Have you looked at him? It's obvious that he's crazy about you! And he even has a pet name for you. Isn't that right...Logie?" Logan shot Kendall a death stare as he burst into a fit of laughter.

"Will you take this seriously, Kendall?" Logan begged, feeling himself become more agitated by the minute.

"I am being serious!" Kendall's laughter subsided, but the laughter was replaced with a smirked. "Dude, if you don't want him, Dak and I will take him! Do you think he's ever had sex, because I would sure love to teach him."

Logan felt the anger growing in his chest. For some reason, hearing Kendall talk about James like that irked him tremendously. "Shut up, Kendall! That is my imaginary friend, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about him like that!" He was really beginning to think that coming to see Kendall was a mistake.

Kendall sighed. "You're right, Logan. I'm sorry. That was really disrespectful, and I didn't mean to turn something that you see as being pure into something...sexual and dirty."

Logan sat back down on the couch. "It's okay." He looked down at his hands. "Can you ask James to come in here? I think that it would a good idea for us to talk—that is, if you can try not to drool over him."

Kendall chuckled softly. "Sure." He got up and opened the door, walking out into the lobby. "James?" James looked up and smiled at him. "Hi. I'm Dr. Knight. Would you follow me, please?"

"Sure!" James stood up and followed Kendall into his office, sitting down beside Logan. "Everything okay, Logie?"

Logan sank down into the couch and placed his head in his hands. "Yes, James." He groaned. "I'm just great."

"Is something wrong?" James put his arm around Logan and pulled him close to him. "Do you not feel well? Should we get you home?"

"I'm _fine_!" Logan snapped, removing James' arm from around him. James looked hurt and put both his hands in his lap. Logan wanted to feel good about hurting James' feelings for all of the pain that he'd put him through, but all he felt like was a jerk. "James-" he began, when Kendall held his hand up.

"Let's just get started." Kendall said, knowing that this was going to be a challenge, to say the least. "James, do you know why you are here?"

"I think so." James answered. "Logan wants to see if he wants to keep me around to help him be happy, because, you see, Logan has been very unhappy for a long time now."

"How do you know anything about me, James? You weren't here, remember?" Logan spat out.

"Logan," Kendall said in a warning tone. "I'm sorry, James. I think that it would be best if we tried to figure out what exactly is going on here. Apparently, Logan is confused as to why you're here now when he's an adult."

James chuckled softly. "Well, I explained that to Logan last night, Dr. Knight. We imaginaries all have to leave our children at the exact time of their birth on their birthdays, Logan's being November 23 at 6:51 pm. I told Logan the day I left that he would never see me again." James paused for a moment before he continued. "However, there is a loophole that allows us imaginaries to go back and help a child that is not faring well as an adult become happy. Logan doesn't know this, but I never forgot him, and I never lost track of him...I couldn't." He looked over at Logan, who just looked down into his lap. "However, the same rules apply as they did when they were children. I have to leave Logan on November 23 at 6:51 pm. It is up to Logan to become happy. All I can do is help him, that is, if he wants my help."

"_Ha_!" Logan's face shot up and glared at James. "How dare you come here acting as if everything is okay when you know that they're not?" Logan twisted on the couch so that his body was facing James as well. He didn't know where this was coming from, but he knew that he was about to do it—he was about say everything that he had been wanting to say for almost twenty years to James. "You can't just come back here and expect me to welcome you back into my life with open arms after you just left me like that. God...do you even know what you did to me?" James didn't answer. He just looked back at Logan with guilt-filled eyes. "Dammit, James! You decimated me! Y-you _destroyed_ me! You destroyed that ten-year-old little boy who loved you more than anything in the whole world." Logan could feel hot tears fill his eyes, and he let them spill over his cheeks. He didn't care anymore. He needed for James to hear this. "I trusted you more than anyone in the entire world. You were my only friend. You were my entire world, and when I needed you most, you just left. How could you do that to me?"

James sighed heavily, then he spoke, his voice steady. "Logan, I told you. I had no control over it. I don't make the rules, okay? Do you honestly think that I wanted to leave you?"

"Yes! Everyone always leaves me, James. No one ever stays! My mom left, my dad was never around, I had so many nannies that I lost count. No one stayed with me, so why would you be any different?" Logan's tears were flowing freely now as his chest started heaving. "J-James, I-I l-loved you s-s-so m-much! Why d-did y-you leave me? W-why?"

James pulled Logan into his arms and held him close as Logan continued to cry. "Logie," James said softly, "I didn't want to go. I _had_ to. If there was anything in my life that I could take back, it would be leaving you that day. I love you, Logan, so much. I love you so much that I came back to help you be happy, the way that you deserve to be. Logan, you were the most loving, compassionate, giving and forgiving person I had ever known, and I know that you can be that person again and be loved the way you deserve to be and give that love in return if you choose to. But you can't do that until you start letting people in your heart and forgiving those of us that hurt you." He rubbed his hands soothingly across Logan's back as his cries started to subside. "You can start by opening your heart to me again and forgiving me. Trust me, forgiving me will make me feel better, but it will make you feel even better because you don't have to hold on to hating me anymore. I know you, Logan! I know that a part of you wants to forgive me but is afraid to, but I'm asking to try. I know that I can't stay here with you forever, but just know that I'm going to still love you when I leave. That will never change, Logan. But I need you to take a chance on me. I need you to take this chance with me. Please say that you'll do that. Please."

Logan backed up a little so that he could look into James' eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that he'd wished he could have when he was a little boy. God, he wanted to trust him. He wanted to let his James back into his heart and he wanted to forgive James because he did, somewhere in his heart of hearts, still love him. He also wanted to be happy again, because when Logan really thought about it, he knew that he had never been happier than he had been when he was with James. Exhaling deeply, he gave James a nod of approval. "Okay," Logan said shakily. "I will do the best I can to let you in on one condition."

"What it is?" James brought his hand up to Logan's cheek and softly brushed away the tears with his thumb.

"This time, I want you to be straight with me about everything—no secrets or surprises," Logan answered. "Don't do what you did to me the last time. I want to be prepared for you to walk out of my life. I was so lost when you left so suddenly, and I don't think that I could take it if you did that to me again."

James smiled down at Logan. "I promise, okay? Whatever makes you happy. You're my Logie, remember?" He pulled Logan back into a hug and could feel Logan put his arms around him tightly.

"Well," Kendall said, sounding pretty pleased, "I think that we're off to a really good start, don't you think, Logan?"

Logan looked over at Kendall. He had completely forgotten the Kendall was there. "I think so, Ken—I mean, Dr. Knight."

"Good," Kendall replied. "I want you two to schedule another appointment with me."

Logan scoffed because surely Kendall must have been joking. "Are you serious?"

"Very," Kendall answered. "I think that while James is here that it would good for you two to see me so that we can track your progress. What do you think about that, James?"

"I think that would be great, Dr. Knight." James looked down at his now-wet shirt and then looked over at Logan's red, tear-stained face. "May I please have some tissues for Logan?"

"Of course." Kendall handed James a box of Kleenex, who handed them over to Logan. Logan grabbed a few tissues and tried to regain his composure. "So, I will see you two next week. Take care!"

James gently grabbed Logan's arm and helped him off the couch. "Thanks, Dr. Knight." Kendall opened the door for them and James and Logan stepped into the lounge. "See you later, Jack!"

"Jack?" Logan asked as he put on his coat. "Who's Jack?"

"Another imaginary. Great girl, you know?"

"Wait...Jack's a girl?" Logan's scratched his head in disbelief and confusion.

"Of course. Anything's possible when you're dealing with imaginaries." James smiled a million-watt smile that Logan couldn't help but return.

"Tell me about it,"Logan said under his breath. He knew that his new adventure with James was just beginning, only this time, it wasn't make-believe—it was for real.

_**And so the adventure begins...thanks for joining me.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: ** I think that it's pretty obvious that I in no way, shape, or form own, or am affiliated with, Big Time Rush in any way. Don't sue...I have nothing of value to give you, except maybe my car. I don't even own my house!

_**And hey...PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO REVIEW! I like reviews (yes, even critiques) because they help me as a writer and the reviews also let me know if someone is out there reading this story.**_

_Author's Note: I just want to say "thank you" to everyone that has reviewed, liked, and favorited this story thus far. I will try to update faster in the future._

**Chapter 5**

Logan stepped out of Kendall's office and into the brisk, cloudy October day with James in tow, pulling his coat around his body, feeling the cold wind seem to go through him. He looked over at James, who had his hands buried deep in his jean pockets as he tried to huddle deeper into his brown swede jacket as if it would make him warmer by doing so.

"Hey, are you all right?" Logan asked James, concerned. Then it suddenly hit him—James didn't have anything to wear but the clothes on his back. He was going to have to do something about that if James was going to be around for a little while.

"I'm fine," James replied with a small, unconvincing smile. "I guess I've just forgotten how cold it is here in Minneapolis. I mean, it's only been, like, twenty years since I've been here."

"Well," Logan said with a sigh, "I guess we'll just have to go get you some new clothes, don't you think?"

"Oh, Logie! I couldn't ask you to do that!" James shoved his hands even deeper into his pockets, trying to ward off the cold air that whipped at his body.

"It's okay," Logan insisted. "If you're going to be here for a month, I can't let you wear the same thing over and over again. Besides, that swede jacket isn't going to cut it, I'm afraid. You'll need a coat while you're here. You'll catch your death in this weather. Wait a minute—can you die?"

"Not that I'm aware of," James shrugged. "I'm an imaginary friend, so I don't think that the human rules of dying apply to me, even if I am visible."

"Well, we still need to get you some new clothes. I would think that what you're wearing now would fall apart from washing it over and over again."

James looked at Logan pensively, giving serious consideration to Logan's offer. "Okay, Logan," he said at last. "I'll let you take me shopping, but on two conditions."

"Conditions?" Logan asked, eying James suspiciously. "What conditions?"

"First of all, you have to tell me all about your bride-to-be," James answered with a smirk.

"Ugh!" Logan groaned, rolling his eyes. "Really?"

James shook his head up and down. "Talk to me about her or we have no deal."

"Fine!" Logan huffed in frustration. "I'll tell you about Mercedes. What's the other condition?"

A huge grin spread across James' face. "You have to take me to a candy shop. I'm _dying_ for some Jelly Bellies."

"All right, James." Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. It was like he was babysitting a kid. "I'll take you to the candy store."

"Cool! Then let's go shopping!" James trotted to Logan's car with excitement. "This is going to be so much fun, Logie! We haven't done anything together in so long!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's going to be a barrel of laughs," Logan said wryly as he unlocked the car and got in.

James sat down in the passenger seat, strapped on his seatbelt, and started bouncing up and down like a kid, grinning from ear to ear. "This is going to be the best day _ever_!"

"If you say so, James," Logan replied dubiously. _What in the hell have I gotten myself into, _he thought as he drove out of the parking lot.

* * *

James and Logan walked around the men's section of the department store, with Logan grabbing various items of clothing and throwing them into James' arms.

"Do you honestly expect me to try all these things on, Logie?" James asked, his arms getting tired under the weight of the clothes.

"I just want to make sure that you have enough clothes and that they fit, James," Logan answered. "Stay here while I go get someone to unlock a dressing room for you, okay?"

"Okay, Logie." James smiled as Logan walked away, his heart happy that Logan had decided to let him stick around. He'd missed Logan so much over the past twenty years. He'd loved all the children he'd worked with, but he was never able to forget about Logan—the disappointed, sad face he'd seen when he had to leave him on that fateful day. The last thing he had ever wanted to do was hurt Logan, who he figured he might have loved more than anyone else, yet that was exactly what he had done. And now he had a second chance—a chance to make things right with Logan. He knew that he had contributed, no matter how unintentionally, to the person Logan had become, and James was willing to do anything to set things right. He knew that Logan deserved to be happy and be loved; now he just had to convince Logan of that. Logan had some serious trust and abandonment issues, so James knew he had his work cut out for him, especially since he only had one month with Logan. James was up to the challenge, however, because Logan's happiness meant everything to him.

"Sorry about that, James." James turned around at the sound of Logan's voice and saw him walking over to him with a young, pretty saleswoman, and Logan gestured for James to follow them. The saleswoman looked over at James and gave him a flirty smile. "Hi, there," she said to James. "You're doing some serious shopping today, aren't you?"

James nodded excitedly. "Logie's treating me," he answered brightly. "Can you believe he's taking me to the candy shop, too? He's so awesome!"

The saleswoman's smile faltered somewhat as she looked between the two of them. "Oh, that _is_ great," she answered, confusion and disappointment evident in her voice. "I wish I had a boyfriend like yours to do awesome things for me." She grabbed the keys to the dressing rooms from her pocket, unlocked a door, and motioned for them to enter. "Have fun!"

"W-wait!" Logan stuttered. "He's not my-" The saleswoman was already out of hearing distance, and Logan let out a frustrated groan, shutting the dressing room door behind him. "That's just fucking great!"

James chuckled lightly. "What's the matter, kiddo?"

"James, you have got to stop calling me 'Logie'." Logan folded his arms across his chest. "If you keep calling me that, everyone's going to think that we're together."

"So what?" James asked as he took off his shirt and jeans, and Logan turned around to answer him, but nothing came out be a small squeak. "Logie—I mean, Logan—why are you staring at me like that?"

Logan's mouth opened and closed for a few seconds as he blushed furiously. "I-I...j-just...I'll be outside...waiting. Call me when you're done." With that, Logan shot out the door in a flash, leaving James confused.

"Did I do something wrong?" James asked as he pulled one of the shirts Logan had chosen for him to try on over his head.

"No!" Logan yelled back. "Just hurry up and get done, okay?"

"Was it because the saleslady thought we were together, Logie?"

"Just keep trying on clothes, James, so that we can get out of here. Don't you want to get your candy?" Logan asked, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"Oh, yeah!" James exclaimed as he tugged on some jeans. "Just give me a few minutes. Hold on, Jelly Bellies, here I come!"

* * *

Logan and James stepped out of _Sweets From Heaven_, James thrilled with the selection of Jelly Bellies and other sweets he'd acquired from the candy store. James had 'ooh-ed' and 'aah-ed' over all the different candy and other goodies in the store, and Logan couldn't help but smile as he watched him run through the store, well, like a kid in a candy store. Logan even picked a few flavors of Jelly Bellies for himself, as James' enthusiasm for something as simple as jelly beans was contagious. In spite of himself, Logan was having fun. Now if he could just get the vision of a nearly nude James out of his head...

Suddenly, he heard James' stomach growl—loudly. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I guess I'm hungry. Can we get something to eat?"

Logan looked down at his watch and saw that it was 4:35 pm. They had totally missed lunch, and it had completely slipped his mind. "I'm sorry, James. You should have said something! What would you like to eat?"

James thought for a few moments, then said, "I would _love_ to have a big cheeseburger and some fries."

"That actually sounds really good," Logan said, his mouth starting to water at the thought. "Let's go to Buffalo Wild Wings."

They walked into the restaurant and were seated. After placing their orders, James said, "So...tell me about the soon-to-be Mrs. Mitchell."

Logan sighed. "Man! I was hoping that you had forgotten about that," he said, taking a sip of his Coke.

"Well, you hoped wrong. What is her name—Mercedes? What's she like?" James took off his jacket and got comfortable. He seemed to be genuinely interested in learning all about her.

"Well," Logan began with a shrug, "what's there to tell? She's my fiance`. She's the daughter of my dad's best friend, who's very wealthy, and she's a spoiled brat. We've been engaged for a year and a half, but we hate each other's guts. She's planning our wedding without me because she feels I'm just getting in the way, so it's like I'm not even a part of it, and the sad part is that I could really care less. She's beautiful, loud, obnoxious, rude, tactless, disrespectful, and she treats everyone like dirt, especially me. The only reason I'm marrying her is to make my dad happy. She makes me absolutely miserable. She is the bane of my existence. Is that descriptive enough for you?"

James frowned at Logan as he swirled his straw around in his glass. "Well, that's just terrible, Logan. Why are you willing to subject yourself to a lifetime a misery just to make your dad happy? Has anything you've ever done seemed to make him happy?"

Logan looked down into his lap. "I guess not. I just learned a long time ago not to fight Dad on anything and just hope that one day I might do something that will be deemed good enough in his eyes."

James looked over at Logan, his eyes sad and full of sympathy. "What do _you _want to do, Logan? Have you ever thought about that?

Logan ran his good hand through his hair and let out a deep sigh. "Please, James, let's not get into this right now, okay? We've had a fun afternoon, and I don't want to ruin it by talking about Mercedes or my dad."

Just then, the server came to their table with their burgers. "Man, this looks really good," James gushed as he picked up his cheeseburger. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"You," Logan said as he put ketchup on his fries. "What have you been up to the last twenty years?"

James laughed as he grabbed his soda. "Oh my gosh! Where should I start?"

"How about after you left me?" Logan asked bitterly. "That's a good place to start."

"Okay!" James put his burger back down on his plate. "Let's just get this out of the way right now. You're mad at me and are afraid to trust me. I get that. But I'm going to be a lot more reluctant to want to help you if you keep treating me like the enemy. So you can stop with the snide remarks and the condescension because it's just going to make me mad, and I can't help you when I'm mad at you. You said that you wanted me to stay and to help you, but when you say things like that, it hurts my feelings, and despite what you might think, I do have feelings."

"Oh, and I don't?" Logan retorted. "You didn't think about my feelings when you left me all alone in that house with my dad, his many wives and all of my many nannies, did you?"

"I'm not even going to rehash this with you, Logan. You know that I have rules to follow, and I can't break them just because you want me to. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way." James pushed himself away from the table and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Logan asked.

"To the bathroom, _Logan_. I do have to do some human things you know." With that, James went to the restroom, leaving Logan at the table by himself.

Logan exhaled deeply and looked down into his plate, his appetite gone. He knew that James was right, that he couldn't keep rehashing the past, but he couldn't resist that part of himself that wanted James to feel that pain that he felt, almost as if he would feel vindicated somehow. But he didn't. Instead, he felt like a creep. A _big_ creep. He got up, found his server to let him know not to clear their table, and went to the restroom. He walked in to find James standing at a sink washing his hands.

"I'm sorry, James," Logan said. James look over at him, but didn't say anything. "You're right. I'm just so bitter and scared of getting hurt again that I don't know how to trust you, or anyone else for that matter." He walked over to James and handed him some paper towels to dry his hands, which James took. James waited for Logan to continue. "You went through all this trouble to come back and help me find myself and learn to be happy, and I keep treating you like crap. Yes, you hurt me when you left, but I do understand that didn't mean to hurt me. Maybe I should try to put myself in your shoes instead of wallowing in my own self-pity. I have to forgive you, James, so that I can move forward. I never loved anyone the way I loved you, and I'm so scared of putting my heart in your hands again because I know you can't stay. No one could ever stay. It's all I've ever known, that I'm not worthy enough of love for anyone to stay with me and love me." Logan's voice was full of tears, and a few tears started to fall from his eyes as well.

James pulled Logan into his arms and let him cry. "Oh my God, Logan. Is that what you think? That everyone leaves you because you're not worthy of love? Logan, you are the most worthy person I know. When you were a child, just seeing you smile would light up my entire day, and I did everything in my power to make you smile as much as possible during our time together. You love so hard, with all your heart, and it hurts you when people don't return that love, especially your dad, and apparently me. Logan, please, don't let the fact that my time with you is limited keep you from opening your heart to me. Some people come into your life for a season, but they come into your life for a reason. And this time around, it can be even more amazing for us and we can have a better ending that we both can be at peace with. But you're going to have to take a leap of faith and meet me halfway, because if you don't, we're dead in the water, and my chance of helping you won't work. The choice is yours—do you want to take that leap of faith and do this together, or do you want to go on living life as you do now, because I know you're not happy, Logan. You said so yourself. Do you want to be bitter and miserable, or do you want a chance at happiness—true happiness?"

Logan looked into James' eyes for a moment before saying, "I'm taking that leap of faith, James. I forgive you, James! Please forgive me for treating you so badly! Please?" Logan clung onto the front of James' shirt, feeling that somehow his life depended on his answer. He needed James' forgiveness. "I must be such a disappointment to you, James." Logan sniffed.

"Oh, Logan. The only way you could ever disappoint me is by giving up on life. And of course I forgive you, Logie. You know that."

Logan stepped back and wiped his eyes. "Thank you, James. Thank you."

James grinned down at him. "Now, don't you feel better now that you let all of that go?"

Logan took in a deep breath and exhaled shakily. "You know what? I do. I don't have to hate you anymore, and it feels good."

"Well, great!" James put an arm around Logan's shoulder as he guided him out of the restroom. "What do say we get some to-go boxes and call it a day? We've made some real progress today."

"Oh my God! You sound like Kendall!" Logan groaned. "Where did you get such an extensive vocabulary, anyway? I don't remember you talking to me like that when I was a kid."

"I had to speak to you in a way you understood, and now that you're an adult, I get to treat you like one." James grabbed his jacket and put it on as Logan flagged down their server and took a sip of his watered-down soda. "By the way, how long did you date Dr. Knight?" Logan spit out his soda all over the table.

"W-w-what gave you that idea?" Logan sputtered, wiping his mouth and avoiding James's gaze.

"Oh, please, Logie. I'm an imaginary friend, not a child. I've been around for a long time." James said with a wink. "You'll find out that there's a lot about me that you don't know. Let's get going."

Logan looked over at the man walking next to him, wondering how in the world he knew about him and Kendall. He was getting the feeling that there was much more to James than he let on. In the past two days, he realized that he didn't know nearly as much as he thought he did. Logan knew one thing for sure, though—James was full of surprises. He really didn't what he was in for, and for once, he didn't mind.


End file.
